Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Decide What It Is You Hate: Them or Yourself
Today a writer for Marie Claire magazine posted up a fat-bashing blog about a new TV show featuring an intimate couple of the obese variety. Needless to say the blog went viral, spreading across every social-networking site with individuals expressing both rage and concern. Today Marie Claire had pushed out a tweet stating that the writer had edited the blog with an apology and retraction, and after reading both I'm simply confused.
Now this is what really got me...
In the initial article Maura Kelly wrote that she would "be grossed out if [she] had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other." and also that " I have a few friends who could be called plump. I'm not some size-ist jerk."
I'd like to meet these friends, for one. I would wager their waist size is smaller than my thigh. Secondly, other than being completely uncalled for, to say that she wasn't being a "size-ist jerk" makes me wonder what it is she was really thinking. Would a woman who is a size 6 make her gag while a size 18 would induce a full-on wretch?
Throughout the whole column she implies that all fat people are working to lose weight and that they're unhappy with themselves and unhealthy, but never once does she mention that there are people who are happy with themselves exactly as they are, fat rolls and all, and that those people are within range of being healthy and active. I think the overwhelming deluge of comments is proof-positive that these people do in fact exist.
Something this careless could only have come from someone who was broken themselves. There's a bliss that comes with not being overly concerned with weight and body image, namely that when you look in a mirror, you're content with what you see. This is opposed to feeling that social pressure so acutely that you dissect yourself to the point where all you see are flaws. Ms. Kelly admitted in her retraction that she did struggle with anorexia and body image, and that her over-reaction came from those issues that she has with herself.
In all honesty, I pity her. I believe the insecurity that she has is all-too common with many varying forms. (Personally, I'm insecure about my mental acumen and strive to be as intelligent as I possibly can, I hate feeling stupid or belittled in that way and that's something I struggle with. No one is perfect, afterall) I also believe though that this is how prejudices and stigmas are born. Luckily today, the general population stood up and said differently, someday I hope this is the case for any similar situation.
In short, while no one is perfect, that doesn't mean you air out your insecurities by backlashing against the other side of the spectrum. And for heavens sake, fire the editor who allowed that to be published.
To read the full article by Maura Kelly: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/dating-blog/overweight-couples-on-television
Now this is what really got me...
In the initial article Maura Kelly wrote that she would "be grossed out if [she] had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other." and also that " I have a few friends who could be called plump. I'm not some size-ist jerk."
I'd like to meet these friends, for one. I would wager their waist size is smaller than my thigh. Secondly, other than being completely uncalled for, to say that she wasn't being a "size-ist jerk" makes me wonder what it is she was really thinking. Would a woman who is a size 6 make her gag while a size 18 would induce a full-on wretch?
Throughout the whole column she implies that all fat people are working to lose weight and that they're unhappy with themselves and unhealthy, but never once does she mention that there are people who are happy with themselves exactly as they are, fat rolls and all, and that those people are within range of being healthy and active. I think the overwhelming deluge of comments is proof-positive that these people do in fact exist.
Something this careless could only have come from someone who was broken themselves. There's a bliss that comes with not being overly concerned with weight and body image, namely that when you look in a mirror, you're content with what you see. This is opposed to feeling that social pressure so acutely that you dissect yourself to the point where all you see are flaws. Ms. Kelly admitted in her retraction that she did struggle with anorexia and body image, and that her over-reaction came from those issues that she has with herself.
In all honesty, I pity her. I believe the insecurity that she has is all-too common with many varying forms. (Personally, I'm insecure about my mental acumen and strive to be as intelligent as I possibly can, I hate feeling stupid or belittled in that way and that's something I struggle with. No one is perfect, afterall) I also believe though that this is how prejudices and stigmas are born. Luckily today, the general population stood up and said differently, someday I hope this is the case for any similar situation.
In short, while no one is perfect, that doesn't mean you air out your insecurities by backlashing against the other side of the spectrum. And for heavens sake, fire the editor who allowed that to be published.
To read the full article by Maura Kelly: http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/dating-blog/overweight-couples-on-television
Monday, October 25, 2010
Take Care...
Just a little personal side-note for tonight,
Today I went to the doctor for the first time in a few years, he suspects I may have insulin resistance which is basically a short hop away from being a diabetic. Normally I'd say okay, no big deal, except that my father passed away due to complications from diabetes less than two months ago. I've seen what it can reduce someone to, and it's nothing short of terrifying.
It's a shock. I know if I don't turn this around soon, I'll be dead within about 20 years. I'd be in my early 40s.
In short, don't ignore something because you're afraid of what it might mean, it will happen anyway. Take care of yourself and those around you, and if something arises, confront it head-on.
Until next time...
Today I went to the doctor for the first time in a few years, he suspects I may have insulin resistance which is basically a short hop away from being a diabetic. Normally I'd say okay, no big deal, except that my father passed away due to complications from diabetes less than two months ago. I've seen what it can reduce someone to, and it's nothing short of terrifying.
It's a shock. I know if I don't turn this around soon, I'll be dead within about 20 years. I'd be in my early 40s.
In short, don't ignore something because you're afraid of what it might mean, it will happen anyway. Take care of yourself and those around you, and if something arises, confront it head-on.
Until next time...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Warm Up Already...
It takes a while for me to warm up to someone. A long, long while.
A big part of that is because I question people's motives, I want to be able to give without question, ask nothing in return, but still feel like what I'm giving is reciprocated in some way. It doesn't have to be sexual, far from it, telling me about yourself works wonders. Telling me what you don't want other people to know works even better. Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine, or show you.
Getting to the point where I can be fully open with someone takes months, if not longer. It's an effort, it's letting someone into my most private thoughts, and there are only a handful of people who have ever had that kind of access. I'd like to shorten the time, but at this point I'm not sure how. I'll leap, I'll give you a chance, but that doesn't mean I'll be comfortable.
It's something to work on, I'd like to be open with people from the start, but it's probably my best defense mechanism, so I'm not quite sure how that will work. I'd like to be able to approach people and be comfortable starting conversations without them having to approach me. I'd like to not be so awkward.
Just some thoughts from tonight...
A big part of that is because I question people's motives, I want to be able to give without question, ask nothing in return, but still feel like what I'm giving is reciprocated in some way. It doesn't have to be sexual, far from it, telling me about yourself works wonders. Telling me what you don't want other people to know works even better. Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine, or show you.
Getting to the point where I can be fully open with someone takes months, if not longer. It's an effort, it's letting someone into my most private thoughts, and there are only a handful of people who have ever had that kind of access. I'd like to shorten the time, but at this point I'm not sure how. I'll leap, I'll give you a chance, but that doesn't mean I'll be comfortable.
It's something to work on, I'd like to be open with people from the start, but it's probably my best defense mechanism, so I'm not quite sure how that will work. I'd like to be able to approach people and be comfortable starting conversations without them having to approach me. I'd like to not be so awkward.
Just some thoughts from tonight...
Hetero-norma-what???
Just so there's no confusion (because my definition may be different from yours) here is how I define heteronormative: An individual (male or female) who has a heterosexual orientation, their sexual identity matches that of their biological gender, and they fall into socially-defined gender roles.
As I've been roaming around the LGBTQ and Kink communities there seems to be such a stigma attached to being heterosexual or heteronormative and not only does it confuse me, but it's really quite disheartening. I don't understand how a community can stress tolerance and understanding of 'their own kind' and be active in pushing for equal rights and then turn around and box in the very people they're trying to win over. Shouldn't our very situation give us the empathy necessary to accept that not everyone is born or desires to be gay, lesbian, trans, queer, bisexual, poly, swinging, or kinky?
Don't get me wrong, I'll convert people to kink and whatever else I can faster than any preacher can drag someone to church, but at a certain point some people just don't feel that it's a part of them, and what is honestly wrong with that? We feel we have the right to say 'No, thank you.' when someone tries to push us into a heterosexual vanilla relationship, so shouldn't someone who desires that lifestyle have the option to say 'No, thank you.' to us? (To clarify, I'm not referring to homophobia or queer-bashing individuals. In my opinion there is no such thing as homophobia, just ignorance and intolerance of something someone doesn't understand, and as far as the bashing, I boil that down to fear. I know it exists, I've seen it, but that's not what I'm discussing today.)
Absolutely we still live in a world where the traditional and accepted relationship is heterosexual, and there are most certainly social pressures for women to behave in a feminine, delicate manner, and for men to adopt a masculine machismo, but how many people naturally fall into that category? I mean really... take a moment to consider how many people you know intimately who fall into those categories 100% of the time.
If you know one person, just one person... then you don't know them well enough.
If you had to paint a portrait of the scope of human sexuality, it wouldn't be crisp and defined lines, it would be blurred and foggy. There is no black and white, there are no hard and straight lines. We are all, at one time or another, breaking those gender-defined rules, it's just that some of us do it more often (and more effectively) than others. I will be the first to admit that I have a very divided personality when it comes to gender. A lot of my thoughts and actions can be very masculine, while others can be very feminine, and more often than not they are simply gender neutral. Certainly there are varying degrees depending on the person, but I would wager everything I have that no one can ever be defined as 'heteronormative'. Appearances especially tend to be misleading. A couple who appear to be the mainstream accepted carbon-copy of heterosexuality could, at home, be entirely different. Mrs. Hetero may drop the kids off at soccer practice and then go home, tie up Mr. Hetero when he walks through the door with his briefcase, and tell him he's a good little slut while she ties ribbons in his hair as a warm-up before their swinger party. You really can't know.
You always hear that everyone is different, and that's because it's true. It's not because each of us is a unique snowflake, but instead because each of us is simply just different. No one can live up to the idea of Normal, and if you ask me, no one should have to.
All I ask is that you keep an open mind no matter where you stand in the sexual spectrum. This isn't a lesson for any specific group, it's a lesson for everyone as human beings. It all boils down to having respect for other people's choices and acknowledging their right to make those choices for themselves.
If you're offended because Joe and Chris decide to get married in Iowa and buy a home and raise a family, get over it. Their choice doesn't change any part of your life.
If you're offended because Barbie and Ken decide to get married in Florida and they buy a mini-van and won't come to your poly-party-orgy, get over it. Their choice doesn't change any part of your life.
No where is it us versus them. Every little detail of human sexuality is all part of the same spectrum. We all fit together into one scope, there is no division and there are no borders.
No where is there a definition of normal.
As I've been roaming around the LGBTQ and Kink communities there seems to be such a stigma attached to being heterosexual or heteronormative and not only does it confuse me, but it's really quite disheartening. I don't understand how a community can stress tolerance and understanding of 'their own kind' and be active in pushing for equal rights and then turn around and box in the very people they're trying to win over. Shouldn't our very situation give us the empathy necessary to accept that not everyone is born or desires to be gay, lesbian, trans, queer, bisexual, poly, swinging, or kinky?
Don't get me wrong, I'll convert people to kink and whatever else I can faster than any preacher can drag someone to church, but at a certain point some people just don't feel that it's a part of them, and what is honestly wrong with that? We feel we have the right to say 'No, thank you.' when someone tries to push us into a heterosexual vanilla relationship, so shouldn't someone who desires that lifestyle have the option to say 'No, thank you.' to us? (To clarify, I'm not referring to homophobia or queer-bashing individuals. In my opinion there is no such thing as homophobia, just ignorance and intolerance of something someone doesn't understand, and as far as the bashing, I boil that down to fear. I know it exists, I've seen it, but that's not what I'm discussing today.)
Absolutely we still live in a world where the traditional and accepted relationship is heterosexual, and there are most certainly social pressures for women to behave in a feminine, delicate manner, and for men to adopt a masculine machismo, but how many people naturally fall into that category? I mean really... take a moment to consider how many people you know intimately who fall into those categories 100% of the time.
If you know one person, just one person... then you don't know them well enough.
If you had to paint a portrait of the scope of human sexuality, it wouldn't be crisp and defined lines, it would be blurred and foggy. There is no black and white, there are no hard and straight lines. We are all, at one time or another, breaking those gender-defined rules, it's just that some of us do it more often (and more effectively) than others. I will be the first to admit that I have a very divided personality when it comes to gender. A lot of my thoughts and actions can be very masculine, while others can be very feminine, and more often than not they are simply gender neutral. Certainly there are varying degrees depending on the person, but I would wager everything I have that no one can ever be defined as 'heteronormative'. Appearances especially tend to be misleading. A couple who appear to be the mainstream accepted carbon-copy of heterosexuality could, at home, be entirely different. Mrs. Hetero may drop the kids off at soccer practice and then go home, tie up Mr. Hetero when he walks through the door with his briefcase, and tell him he's a good little slut while she ties ribbons in his hair as a warm-up before their swinger party. You really can't know.
You always hear that everyone is different, and that's because it's true. It's not because each of us is a unique snowflake, but instead because each of us is simply just different. No one can live up to the idea of Normal, and if you ask me, no one should have to.
All I ask is that you keep an open mind no matter where you stand in the sexual spectrum. This isn't a lesson for any specific group, it's a lesson for everyone as human beings. It all boils down to having respect for other people's choices and acknowledging their right to make those choices for themselves.
If you're offended because Joe and Chris decide to get married in Iowa and buy a home and raise a family, get over it. Their choice doesn't change any part of your life.
If you're offended because Barbie and Ken decide to get married in Florida and they buy a mini-van and won't come to your poly-party-orgy, get over it. Their choice doesn't change any part of your life.
No where is it us versus them. Every little detail of human sexuality is all part of the same spectrum. We all fit together into one scope, there is no division and there are no borders.
No where is there a definition of normal.
Friday, October 22, 2010
TGIF
In celebration of Friday, I'm continuing my lazy-streak by posting this video. I made no contribution to it except maybe a thousand views, and simply find a very raw and inspirational truth in it.
Enjoy.
Doll Face by Andrew Thomas Huang
More credit info on YouTube Page.
Enjoy.
Doll Face by Andrew Thomas Huang
More credit info on YouTube Page.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Family Ties
You always here the expression 'you can't choose your family', and they would be absolutely right. Biologically, we are bound to those who bring us into the world, for better or for worse. Except there are no vows, no choice to be made, no first meeting jitters or comfortable rut three years later. You're born, you're there, you're stuck.
That's probably why I find the bonds of biologically unrelated families so attractive. It's a chosen family, people you have chosen to open yourself up to. For better or for worse comes with a question mark instead of a period, and while there are still arguments and rough patches, there is very little you can't work out.
I'm not saying this can't occur in biological families, but as I'm sure everyone has experienced at one point or another, sometimes you're just different. The plus-side is that there will always be somewhere where you fit just right, you just have to go looking for it.
Apologies for the cheesy business, there's just a lot going on upstairs.
That's probably why I find the bonds of biologically unrelated families so attractive. It's a chosen family, people you have chosen to open yourself up to. For better or for worse comes with a question mark instead of a period, and while there are still arguments and rough patches, there is very little you can't work out.
I'm not saying this can't occur in biological families, but as I'm sure everyone has experienced at one point or another, sometimes you're just different. The plus-side is that there will always be somewhere where you fit just right, you just have to go looking for it.
Apologies for the cheesy business, there's just a lot going on upstairs.
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