Theo, My New Favorite Name

I should say up front that I'm pretty biased when it comes to strap-on harnesses. SpareParts all the way, baby.

But until now I've always just used the Joque harness, cause well, it makes my ass look great, and it's stable. So when they came out with the Theo, a thong-style harness, I was intrigued. I've heard more than my fair share of horror stories involving thong-style harnesses and their plagues of wobbly design, discomfort, and ineffectiveness but could SpareParts manage to fix all of that?

Well, yes.

Just like the Joque harness, the Theo has an adjustable waist band with those genius cinching straps on the sides (for a girl with more curve than narrow they're a godsend) so around your waist, you're going to get a secure and tight feeling without discomfort or fear of it slipping. I bounced, ran, jumped, humped, and frolicked with this thing on and it didn't budge, so you can do just about anything and you'll still be packing around your waist and not your ankles.

Now what about that pesky strap that goes between your legs? This is usually where most harnesses fall apart because this strap is one-size-fits-all, but since we're all shaped differently and have different preferences as to where the harness sits, one-size just doesn't cut it.

Again, ingeniously, SpareParts engineered a strap with alternating snaps so you can adjust it to your size. I prefer a low-sitting harness with the dildo base hitting my pubic bone, so I was able to achieve this by adjusting the snaps. It took a few seconds to get the length right where I wanted it. The only downside I had was that I had the strap short enough that there was part of the excess strap at the back just hanging there. This could be operator error, since there was an additional piece that was included (I just couldn't figure out what this was for) and it didn't really detract from anything I was doing, but for someone else this could be a potential problem. Other than the minor detail, I was really impressed with this harness.

Another thing that intrigued me was that in the marketing for the Theo, they mentioned masturbation. Now I'm not sure about most folks, but I had never thought about a harness as a masturbatory tool until I got to thinking about it. Now this might be the only thing I ever use it for.

Ever craved a hands-free Hitachi session but don't have a partner around? I'm not kidding. All you do is slide the cord of the Hitachi through the pouch and O-ring, and pull the Hitachi Magic Wand through. You're left with a snug, comfortable harness with the happy-end of the Hitachi facing inward and looking right at your vulva. Believe me, it's a great time and your hands are free to do other things. I even inserted a dildo into my vagina and used the strap to hold it in place while going to town with the Hitachi. You could pull this off with the Joque, but it would be a lot harder to hold the dildo in place unless you were riding it, or if it has a suction cup base.

I'm quite sure that there are endless ways to use this thing to help you masturbate.

Also, I'm a size queen. What I mean is, I like having a big dick. The O-ring is stretchy enough to fit up to a 2" dildo (although, I'm pretty sure it could fit a tad larger if you tried) and versatile enough to fit a wide variety of smaller dildos, and since the pouch is open you can also use double-dildos such as the Feeldoe line of products for a more controlled penetrative experience for you and your partner. And, for the packers, you can do that too without a problem.

Now, for those of you who like packing, the Theo can be worn under reasonable clothing (let's be honest, anything will show through spandex) and since it's made from a stretchy, breathable material, you can wear it all day and won't get uncomfortable or have that damp body-heat-plus-trapped-moisture feeling. I've worn mine for hours, even slept in it, and it wasn't uncomfortable at any time.

Did I mention you can also throw it in the washer and clean it?

Yea, you really can. Again, because of the material (Nylon and Polyester-Spandex blend) it's completely washer safe. As someone who gets lube everywhere, I can't begin to tell you how happy I am about this. So not only can you wash it and sanitize it, you can also let a play partner use it, wash it, and not worry about cross-contamination.

Now, I know that leather is a popular material for harnesses. It's true, leather harnesses look stylish and they come in all variety of colors, styles, flexibility, etc. but they just aren't a good material in my opinion. If you're a leather enthusiast, then by all means look for a leather harness. Want something besides leather or a SpareParts harness that is more stylish? Be prepared to sacrifice performance for style. To me, though, the Theo and the Joque are stylish. Stylish enough that I forget I'm wearing them until I look down and see a cock just flopping there, stylish enough that I feel good and sexy wearing it. Granted, it all boils down to personal taste, but I really like the no-frills, sleek design that SpareParts has.

Not to mention, in my most legitimate test (I kid you not) I'll wear my harnesses when I wash dishes.

Really, I'm not kidding.

I'll strap on, cinch up, and go to work washing my dishes. It's really the most enjoyable part of house-cleaning to me. After a few minutes, I forget I have the harness on and I'm just amused with my dick. Ever wash dishes listening to Lady Gaga and dancing along so that your dick sways with the beat?

Yea, you should try it. Dishes will never be the same again.

I'm a comfort and performance girl, and the SpareParts harnesses deliver on both counts. I was pleasantly surprised at how comfortable and sturdy the Theo was. It's a harness that I know will last me for decades. In my opinion it's the best combination of materials, design, and engineering. It's versatile enough to penetrate your partner and give you hands free masturbation, and that's a pretty big deal in my book.

Check out the Theo product page at SpareParts for more information. I have so many good things to say about their products I really can't fit it all in one post, so you can also check out the Joque or the La Palma pages. I haven't tried the La Palma yet, but I'm thinking I'll have to. A dildo harness for your hand? Oh the things I could do.