Just so there's no confusion (because my definition may be different from yours) here is how I define heteronormative: An individual (male or female) who has a heterosexual orientation, their sexual identity matches that of their biological gender, and they fall into socially-defined gender roles.
As I've been roaming around the LGBTQ and Kink communities there seems to be such a stigma attached to being heterosexual or heteronormative and not only does it confuse me, but it's really quite disheartening. I don't understand how a community can stress tolerance and understanding of 'their own kind' and be active in pushing for equal rights and then turn around and box in the very people they're trying to win over. Shouldn't our very situation give us the empathy necessary to accept that not everyone is born or desires to be gay, lesbian, trans, queer, bisexual, poly, swinging, or kinky?
Don't get me wrong, I'll convert people to kink and whatever else I can faster than any preacher can drag someone to church, but at a certain point some people just don't feel that it's a part of them, and what is honestly wrong with that? We feel we have the right to say 'No, thank you.' when someone tries to push us into a heterosexual vanilla relationship, so shouldn't someone who desires that lifestyle have the option to say 'No, thank you.' to us? (To clarify, I'm not referring to homophobia or queer-bashing individuals. In my opinion there is no such thing as homophobia, just ignorance and intolerance of something someone doesn't understand, and as far as the bashing, I boil that down to fear. I know it exists, I've seen it, but that's not what I'm discussing today.)
Absolutely we still live in a world where the traditional and accepted relationship is heterosexual, and there are most certainly social pressures for women to behave in a feminine, delicate manner, and for men to adopt a masculine machismo, but how many people naturally fall into that category? I mean really... take a moment to consider how many people you know intimately who fall into those categories 100% of the time.
If you know one person, just one person... then you don't know them well enough.
If you had to paint a portrait of the scope of human sexuality, it wouldn't be crisp and defined lines, it would be blurred and foggy. There is no black and white, there are no hard and straight lines. We are all, at one time or another, breaking those gender-defined rules, it's just that some of us do it more often (and more effectively) than others. I will be the first to admit that I have a very divided personality when it comes to gender. A lot of my thoughts and actions can be very masculine, while others can be very feminine, and more often than not they are simply gender neutral. Certainly there are varying degrees depending on the person, but I would wager everything I have that no one can ever be defined as 'heteronormative'. Appearances especially tend to be misleading. A couple who appear to be the mainstream accepted carbon-copy of heterosexuality could, at home, be entirely different. Mrs. Hetero may drop the kids off at soccer practice and then go home, tie up Mr. Hetero when he walks through the door with his briefcase, and tell him he's a good little slut while she ties ribbons in his hair as a warm-up before their swinger party. You really can't know.
You always hear that everyone is different, and that's because it's true. It's not because each of us is a unique snowflake, but instead because each of us is simply just different. No one can live up to the idea of Normal, and if you ask me, no one should have to.
All I ask is that you keep an open mind no matter where you stand in the sexual spectrum. This isn't a lesson for any specific group, it's a lesson for everyone as human beings. It all boils down to having respect for other people's choices and acknowledging their right to make those choices for themselves.
If you're offended because Joe and Chris decide to get married in Iowa and buy a home and raise a family, get over it. Their choice doesn't change any part of your life.
If you're offended because Barbie and Ken decide to get married in Florida and they buy a mini-van and won't come to your poly-party-orgy, get over it. Their choice doesn't change any part of your life.
No where is it us versus them. Every little detail of human sexuality is all part of the same spectrum. We all fit together into one scope, there is no division and there are no borders.
No where is there a definition of normal.
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