Warm Up Already...

It takes a while for me to warm up to someone. A long, long while.

A big part of that is because I question people's motives, I want to be able to give without question, ask nothing in return, but still feel like what I'm giving is reciprocated in some way. It doesn't have to be sexual, far from it, telling me about yourself works wonders. Telling me what you don't want other people to know works even better. Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine, or show you.

Getting to the point where I can be fully open with someone takes months, if not longer. It's an effort, it's letting someone into my most private thoughts, and there are only a handful of people who have ever had that kind of access. I'd like to shorten the time, but at this point I'm not sure how. I'll leap, I'll give you a chance, but that doesn't mean I'll be comfortable.

It's something to work on, I'd like to be open with people from the start, but it's probably my best defense mechanism, so I'm not quite sure how that will work. I'd like to be able to approach people and be comfortable starting conversations without them having to approach me. I'd like to not be so awkward.

Just some thoughts from tonight...