Now coming from a strongly Irish-Italian family there were always two constants in my childhood- lots of cousins and church. Any kinky person is well aware of where they stand in the eyes of the devout Catholics (that would be either in the second or seventh circle of hell depending on how you interpret violence against God, nature, art, etc.) and I was told from a very young age that sex and sexuality were for married people only, any interest of mine was off limits until I had husband supervision and approval from the Pope.
You would think after hundreds of years of sexually repressed Catholic teenagers getting drugged up, drunk, and knocked up (usually in the same night) that someone would have had the bright idea that maybe this abstinence thing just isn't natural. Nothing burns my toast more than someone insisting that you have to save yourself until marriage because it's important to enter into matrimony as a pure naive person, clean in all things spiritual, mental, and emotional.
Let's be real.
Arguably most romantic relationships nowadays are sexual in nature and not only is a sexual connection with your partner essential to sustain a happy relationship, being on the same page sexually is also a huge plus. In my opinion, a lack of sexual connection or communication is a valid deal breaker. I can't sustain a relationship without having my sexual needs met and I don't expect the other person to put up with it either. I like knowing my parter's (or potential partner's) likes and dislikes up front because it takes out a lot of the guesswork. I enjoy having the option of taking someone out for a test drive to see if we're compatible. I don't like the idea of having one shot at choosing a life-long partner before I even know what I enjoy, let alone what they might enjoy.
Now granted, you can point to happy couples who have been together for decades and have made their marriage work even after they came into it being virginal and essentially naive, but what people don't point to is the sacrifices that they have had to make to sustain that relationship, or the many other failed marriages that came because people only matched on the surface and later on realized they didn't fit together at all.
Abstinence doesn't work folks.
Education has the distinct benefit of being all-inclusive and multi-leveled. You can determine your own level of involvement while still learning about what's out there. If someone chooses to abstain but still educate themselves then that's an informed personal choice, not simply the only choice that was presented to them. On the opposite side if someone chooses to be sexually active after being educated on safe-sex practices then that's an informed personal choice that is still healthy and responsible.
It took me years to be okay with the fact that I'm a sexual being, it took me years to overcome the idea that what I feel is normal and natural, and that the idea of abstinence was the real perversity. It will also take me many more years to be able to tell my mother exactly what my philosophies are on sex and relationships (I don't particularly enjoy having things thrown at me) and even that might never happen.
Maybe this post is a little disorganized, but if you have to really read any part of this message, here it is: abstinence doesn't work. Tell everyone, anyone who will listen, because the only way education spreads is if people share what they know.
Until next time...
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